Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
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I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
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The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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