Christians are straight up FREAKS
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
