look no pants
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
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my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
God I need to hump something, right now.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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