I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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