Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
