New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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