My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
