What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
