My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
