there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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