nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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