Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
