can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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