i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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