No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
