i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
