you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
