So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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