and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
My room smells like vodka and shame
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I believe in your delicious
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
