Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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