I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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