Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
