i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
