he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
