btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
