so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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