if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
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