You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
