Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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