Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
