I wannas sexs uuuuu
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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