remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
