He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
