we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
