I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
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Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
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You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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