Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
