i think i have herpe
just one?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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