You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
