The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
