i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
