Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
last night I used snow as a chaser
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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