Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
So many bounce houses so little time
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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