im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
