I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
