I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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