mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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