Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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