If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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