I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
