is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
