i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
