Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
