i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
