I'm passing your future prison.
only you would photoshop your dick
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
