I must be too annoying 4 u.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
