what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
