maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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