would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
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