Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
