Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
