Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You're a waste of cheezeits
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
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