I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
